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First Down and Ten Commandments: What GOD Thinks about the NFL

By April 25, 2017Uncategorized

 

1.  He prefers Monday Night Football, and doesn’t think games should be played on a Sunday.

2.  He likes the Saints, and wants them to be joined by the Angels, Padres, Bishops and Deacons to form a separate NFC Spiritual division.

3. He likes the concept of the Hail Mary and suggests that if a team comes from behind by more than            21 points in the final quarter, the winning touchdown or field goal should be called a “Lazarus.”

4. In similar vein, the St Augustine Award should be given to the player who cleans up his act the most in any one season.

5. He doesn’t like Instant Replay as he doesn’t believe in going back. (See Mrs. Lot).

6. He is very busy and as a result suggests cutting out some ads so he doesn’t have to waste three hours watching 12 minutes of action.

7. He suggests that some selected games should be played in Rome and Jerusalem.

8. He thinks that the “illegal man downfield” rule should be scrapped.

9. He reminds us that, first and foremost, NFL stands for ‘Never Forget Love.’

10. He is still working on this one, so please leave your e-mail. Be one of the first to know when The Tenth Commandment is delivered!

Howard Rankin interviewed Pastor GODonnell for this piece.

 Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article aren’t necessarily the opinion of the writer or anyone else, neither are they necessarily the views of any platform or vehicle in which this article is replicated or reproduced which includes newspapers, magazines, all other print media, television, broadcast media, the internet (the ‘world wide web’), internet providers, cable operators and any other form of distribution which may or may not be regulated by the FCC. Any similarities to any living person, spiritual entity or current public, private, state or federal institution are entirely co-incidental. Any similarity to any current local, state and federal statues, laws and regulations is entirely co-incidental.This article is in no way intended as legal or medical advice. No animals were harmed in the writing of this article (despite the fact that the author’s cat repeatedly walked across the keyboard and was generally a nuisance, she was treated within the animal treatment guidelines stipulated in state and federal statutes.) Neither the author nor his assigns or heirs are responsible for any emotional, mental or physical reaction you may have from reading this article. Side effects of reading this article might include laughter, frustration, anger, boredom, insomnia, narcolepsy, chest pain, runny nose and diarrhea. If you experience any adverse physical reactions as a result of reading this article call 911 or immediately go to your nearest hospital Emergency Room. If you object to this article please contact your local or state Humor Control office and ask for the Lost and Found department.

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